Welcome to another edition of the Monthly Connection. We’ve been talking about the super power of Object Permanence.
To quickly review, Object Permanence is the secret sauce that allows us to grow from babies, who have no Object Permanence, to healthy, mature adults who have the capacity to know that just because something is out of our sight doesn’t mean it fails to exist. (We know that bunny is still hopping even though we can’t see it.)
AND… We can hold two seemingly opposite feelings or events simultaneously.
This super power of Object Permanence allows us to have Both/And thinking,
which is the LIFE FORCE of hope, change, and growth.
SO
A world without Object Permanence is a world run by wildly underdeveloped humans,
filled with incomplete actions, incomplete thoughts, and incomplete feelings.
With that being said, the Million Dollar Question, if we are brave enough to ask, is:
Am I participating in being one of these wildly underdeveloped humans?
Now, as someone who has studied and continues to study Connection and Disconnection, I can tell you, without hesitation, that I (consciously and unconsciously) continue to practice Disconnection. And as scary as that is to say out loud, I also simultaneously know, from the bottoms of my feet🦶🏻🦶🏻, that this statement is the beginning of my journey back into my Object Permanence, where the Both/And exist.
Without the recognition that I was Disconnected, how could I begin developing my journey back home into Reconnection? Into Connection?
When I remembered to use my Object Permanence (aka my adult super power), I recognized I was disconnecting, which simultaneously became the EXACT moment I began to RELEASE my Disconnection.
I noticed this process of recognition had a wonderful feeling of relief, while strangely, simultaneously, I also felt discomfort /pain.
HOLD THE PHONE!
Wait! Getting out of Disconnection is painful? Like the pain I feel when I’m actually in Disconnection, that pain? Are you saying pain is a double agent that works for both Connection and Disconnection? Simultaneously?
Are you going to tell me that I am going to have to use my super power of Object Permanence and learn to be with my Discomfort?
Yes! You’re picking up what I’m laying down! I wouldn’t have been able to begin my return trip back to my Connected self, if I didn’t go towards the discomfort of my Disconnection.
Pain can be an indicator of which system, Connection or Disconnection, I am using. Simultaneously, pain can also mean that I am changing systems.
Discomfort/Pain is information. Our job is to stay with ourselves so we can figure out what the information is trying to tell us.
And here’s where it gets sticky…
Our habit/instinct is to ignore, move away from, and/or eliminate discomfort. We look “out there” for that which is creating our Discomfort, our Disconnection. And while it is truthful that we’ll see a lot of Disconnection OUT there, our Attention training (where we put our focus is where we put our energy) requires that we also simultaneously look IN. (I know, being a brave, developing adult can be so annoying at times!)
So, the message for all Connection learners is that
while YES, there is a lot of Disconnection OUT there,
if we want to change that which is OUT there,
we need to use the Force of Object Permanence, and look IN!
And yes, I’m asking you to do two opposite things, look OUT and look IN simultaneously.
And yes, this will feel uncomfortable, maybe even painful.
And yes, just remember that the concept of Object Permanence ~ the FORCE behind Both/And thinking and the very thing that gets us back to our Authentic selves ~ might feel a bit sticky.
(And that sticky feeling, my friends, is code for Discomfort.)
Wait. Does this mean that the pathway back to my Authentic Connected Self is going to have discomfort in it too?
YES! “Stick” means stay with, AND “Sticky” means Discomfort. So the feeling of coming back to our Authentic Connected selves means Staying with our Discomfort. That “Sticky” discomfort is the GPS that is letting us know we’re on track and are using THE FORCE correctly.
If our brave Intention is to be healthy, developing human beings, then we must trust in The FORCE and follow the discomfort to uncover which system we are using. We must learn to “Stick with the Sticky,” (stay with the discomfort) so that we can receive and gather valuable information about what is causing our pain.
When we develop the skill of “Sticking with the Sticky” we begin training ourselves to be in the Both/And.
Our focus begins to shift, to include BOTH, looking at the Internal AND External reasons we are experiencing pain. Our investigation widens and expands as we “Stick with the Sticky,” as it pulls us inward, allowing us to ask the internal question of which system, Connection or Disconnection, am I CHOOSING to use in this moment in time?”
🍝Enter the Pasta Makers!🍝
At first glance, both pasta makers look identical. This is why “Sticking with the Sticky” is so important, as it allows us to look closer at what actually is going on here.
If we train to stay with our discomfort, we can develop the ability to observe the all-important details. (Like the big sign that says DISCONNECTED PASTA MACHINE.)
How many times are we going to get “stuck” doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome, because we didn’t stay in the discomfort and notice the important details.
Before we recognize it’s us using a Disconnected pasta machine?
It’s us creating this “Sticky” pain.
It’s us creating the unwanted stuff that “sticks” to us.
Remember, it doesn’t matter what we put into the Disconnected pasta maker ~ a vacation, a relationship, a million bucks ~ it’s going to come out DISCONNECTED.
Every. Single. Time.
THE GOOD NEWS
So, then it also stands to reason that if I “Stick”,(stay with), with my Connected pasta maker, then whatever “stickiness”, (Pain) I put into it… Injustice, Loss, Hardships…will come out CONNECTED!
And Bonus ~ since I am the only person I can change, I get to choose the pasta machine!
Every. Single. Time.
Wow! Yum! Who doesn’t want some of that amazing pasta?!
THE BOTTOM LINE…
So if our Intention is to be developing human beings (and developing means using our Connected pasta machines), well then, let’s get “Sticky” and make some Connected Pasta!
Our Object Permanence is the FORCE, which allows us to know that there are always two pasta machines present, that they are both “Sticky,” that when we use one the other doesn’t go away, and if we get “stuck” making Disconnected pasta, we can just take it and put it through the other Connected pasta machine! AND Viola!
We are back in the Connection Business!
And here’s a tip that’s been passed down by generations of amazing pasta makers who have come before us…
When we’re having doubts,
And everything feels like a “sticky” mess,
The best pasta is always the one made with Love! ❤️
Until next time, enjoy your pasta!
Connection Coach Cindi
