Being Gentle with my Tender Heart
Why Can't I Stay Connected to the Good Stuff? The answer is here.
Hello February!
Welcome to another edition of The Monthly Connection.
Connection Coach Cindi here. In our past editions, I talked about different Concepts of Connection.
Today, I’ll introduce another concept - the skillset of the BOTH/AND.
Let’s start by reviewing The Fundamentals of Connection:
With that in mind, let’s begin with a quick check-in.
How are you doing with your resolutions to be and stay connected in the New Year?
If you’ve been practicing (or attempting to practice) making healthy changes - such as reducing negative self-talk or changing your eating habits, you may have noticed that it’s not easy.
In fact, you may have noticed that old, unwelcome thoughts, feelings, and behaviors still pop up quite a bit.
Your ♥️heart might feel heavy or discouraged because even if you manage to accomplish some of your goals, if you look away for just a second…BAM!
Here come those same old, disconnecting thoughts and behaviors!
You might be wondering…
Why can’t I stay in a constant state of positive thinking?
Why can’t I stay in a place where I focus on making healthy choices?
and the BIGGIE…
When will I let go of my negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and live ONLY in the good stuff?
In other words, when will my heart be all in and stay ONLY in Connection?
Bear with me and try not to run away before I finish my response…
The short answer is, WE CAN’T!
Connection is not a place or a destination; it’s a process.
Looking carefully at the Fundamentals of Connection section above, we’ll notice that nowhere does it state, “You will become connected and stay there forever.”
(Let’s say that again.)
This time, use your deepest voice and repeat that last word forever… like an echo.
“I will become connected and stay there forever, forever, forever…”
Did I get anyone out there to chuckle?
What happened to your negative thoughts and fears?
Do you feel a little more lighthearted about this process?
It’s hard to hold your breath and think about your problems when you’re having a giggle. That’s the power of the BOTH/AND. It moves us from our sole hyper-focus on “When am I going to get there or why am I not there yet?” to accepting that there is no “there.”
It’s just, well… “Now.”
In this place, BOTH “I struggle” AND “I don’t struggle” exist.
Sneaky AND effective!
Well played, BOTH/AND!
👏👏👏
Now, back to the Building Blocks of Connection.
The definition of Connection is Disconnecting, Reconnecting, Connecting.
To be in the Process of Connection, we must learn to recognize that the goal is NOT to eliminate one and live ONLY in the other.
The Process of Connection involves practicing both disconnecting and connecting in a place where we recognize that Disconnecting (going back into our old negative habits, thoughts, and feelings) will not only happen… it will happen, and we will WELCOME it.
Wait what!!!???
I’m supposed to…
WELCOME old negative habits, thoughts, and feelings?
WELCOME going round and round in my pain?
(Are you thinking you want to give Pocket Cindi a TIME OUT right about now?)
Deep breath again, everyone.
Let’s watch this video…
HOW can we make any heart-felt Changes if we are unaware of WHAT is hurting our hearts?
HOW can we have a change of heart if we push away or remain unaware of our unwanted thoughts, feelings, and behaviors?
The answer is WE CAN’T!
Third deep breath everybody… Good News! We can become Wholehearted…
When we move into the BOTH/AND, we move our Attention away from the cycle of self-ridicule and judgment into a more tender, kind, and humor-filled state of curious acceptance.
We soften and use our self-compassion and understanding to be with ourselves, for ourselves.
In this state of open-heartedness ❤️, we can hear and act from our authentic selves.❤️
How do we do this?
Humor
Breathwork
Appreciating beauty and nature.
Living with gratitude.
Falling down and getting back up.
Watching Baby Elephant Videos!
Try these techniques and see their transformative powers for yourself!
Sending you all HEARTFELT awe for the courage you’re showing by welcoming the BOTH/AND! FYI Did you know Courage comes from the French root word Coer, meaning Heart!
As always, I appreciate you taking the time to read my newsletter.
See you in March for the next Monthly Connection!
One more thing…
If you have a pal who might like this newsletter, I’d love it if you’d share it with them.
And don’t forget to hit the subscribe button yourself!
See you next month!
❤️,
Connection Coach Cindi